Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Faaaaatty, happy birthday to me.
Okay on paper that sounds kind of harsh. But I can’t help the way I feel. More sad, saggy reflection contemplation today. But good news is I just completed week one of my Whole30, Whole Year. Technically I started this “new lifestyle” the day after Thanksgiving thinking that if I could just stick to it for 30 days I would be able to squeeze it in before Christmas, save myself my usual December Christmas cookie binge and be off the plan in time for Christmas. One week later and I am starting to realize this was not the way the plan was really intended to operate and my heart is opening up to considering this to be an actual lifestyle change. Mostly because I actually am feeling better already.
Since my last kiddo was born in April I gave myself 6 months to just let things ride. I am not a “bounce back” kind of Hot Momma. I accept that and give myself a little grace. On top of the 4 kids (7 and under) I work full time in a position with a lot of responsibility in a city 45 minutes away. My life is chaos and sometimes I consider myself to be doing great just to get through the day. After the sixth month I decided to start trying to get the situation under control but all of my half baked plans and tinge of left over eating disorder habits brewed together into a perfect storm that by Halloween meant my will power, sugar cravings and stress level combination left me totally out of control of my own impulses. On Halloween night we got one trick or treater. Therefore, an entire giant bowl of candy as well as the full buckets of all three of my super-hero kids was consumed in the first three weeks of November. I kid you not, I would come home from work, and while making dinner and deflecting my skinny kids requests for “just one piece of candy” be simultaneously stuffing numerous treats in my mouth. I would literally start thinking about it on the drive home and put off all other things once I walked in the door until I got my “fix”. How scary is that? I felt totally out of control. I tried to quit, would do good all day avoiding the overflow candy bowl at work where “kind” coworkers brought their extra candy in to share, and then totally lose control again the second I walked in the door. So. Much. Candy. I can’t hardly believe I can admit this in a public forum. It is my deep dark secret and I feel dirty disclosing it. But it’s true. I just couldn’t stop.
Enter Thanksgiving and the last “symptom” I could endure. I worked all morning making an apple pie and several sides and an appetizer to bring to our family “pot luck” style Thanksgiving. Once there I drank wine. More wine than I have had in ages (just recently weaned the baby) and ate appetizers freely. The meal itself was mostly veggies and some turkey. Dessert was light. There was no stuffing myself, just a reasonable attempt to enjoy the meal. But like most days of my life of late. I feared indulging too much for the likely case I would suffer the consequences later. I was right. Eating is no longer a joy for me. I can’t expect to go any day without some form of abdominal distress. I won’t go into the details here, but suffice it to say my spirit was broken.
That night I googled the Whole30 having heard it could be a way to test out the foods in my diet to determine what might be leading to these issues. The 2 second review seemed easy enough and off I went. After just three days, the sugar cravings and insatiable need to consume Halloween candy was gone. Just like that.
Then I downloaded the book and the real work began.
I am going to chalk today up to a win. Instead of birthday cake. I let the kids and hubs eat pizza and I took the time to make myself my own dinner: roasted asparagus, mini medley potatoes, artichoke and New York strip from my shares all the beef my dad raises on the farm every summer. Purely delicious and so filling. It was honestly a struggle to clear my (small) plate.
My birthday wish…. to look back at this day a year from now and see how successful I was.
“In one year, you will look back and be glad you started today.